توقف بعد إنطلاق صافرة السباق

اليوم الجمعه ..

داخلي يتغلغل ، أريد أن أكتب ، أي شئ ، بالطبع لا أسأل نفسي إن كان ما سأكتبه مفيدا  أو لا ، إفادة الآخرين ليست مهمتي ، وهذا لأن الإهتمامات تختلف من شخص لآخر ، وأنا لست بذو تخصص ، بمعني أنني بست ضالعا في العلوم الشرعية ، فلو كنت ، لكتبت ما يفيد القراء، أنا خاوي تماما ، مجرد روايات لن تجعل مني كاتبا ، لن تجعلني ذو شأن ، حتي هذه الأحرف التي أكتبها لحظتي قد تكون مليئة بأخطاء النحوية ، و حقا ستكون طائشة بلاغيا ، أشعر بالحنين لدروس النحو و البلاغة التي درسناها في فصول الثانوي ، أحتاج إليها في لحظتي .

أنا نادم لأني لم أواصل في دروس الفقه التي بدأتها مع قريب لي منذ 6 سنوات ، نادم لأني لم أستمع لنصح أخ لي بحفظ القرآن وفق خطة متمهلة جدا ، كان هذا منذ سبع سنوات ، نادم لأني أحس بضياع كثير من أوقاتي ..

الأمر مثير للسخرية .. ماذا سأجني من النقر علي أزرار الكيبورد  ؟؟؟

سمعت بأن الكتابة تخفف  ، ااخ  تخفف ، وكأنها ستحمل معنا ، أخي قال لي : حل المشاكل ال عندك  القروش بس ، ما تقول لي أي حاجة تانية . نعم  صحيح فهو صادق . لدي دليل قوي علي صدق كلماته ، الضغط علي أزرار الكيبورد ، جائزة الطيب صالح ، الان يمكن الإستنتاج بأن الكتابة ستخفف عني ، بل ستحلق بي ، أحد فاز بجائزة ، أشتري منزلا .

هناك عدة أخطاء ، بزعمي ، يجب أن يقام الحد عليّ  في محكمة أهل الكتابة ، الكتابة من أجل الجوائز ، بالطبع هذا ليس له وجود ، ستكون غبيا لو بدأت بالكتابة بعدما سمعت بجائزة مالية مقدرة تفدّم لمن يكتب ،  هأ هأ ، يا صديق الذين يفوزون بتلك الجوائز لديهم سنين وهم يكتبون ، ونقطة أخري ليس هناك كاتب وظيفته الحقيقية الكتابة ، لا تنخدع ، فالكل لديه وظيفة ، أي وسيلة أخري غير الكتابة للكسب المعيشي .

لحظة حزن تقتحمني لتخرب إيقاع ما بدأت بكتابته . ماذا ستفعل حين عجزك لمساعدة صديق ؟

كلمة صديق ، من أين جاءت ؟؟ أهو  مصطلح غزا  لغتنا العربية ؟  لا تهم الإجابة كثيرا ، أعتقد أن للمسلم أن يدعو بالخير للجميع ، رجل صالح كان يدعو : اللهم أهدي الناس جميعا .

أنا جاهل تماما ، تجرأت علي الكتابة ، فلزمني أن أتعلم كيف أكتب ، أن أتابع المقالات الدورية التي يكتبها الأساتذة ، أن أتعلم كيف أتأدب معهم ، والأهم أن أتعلم كيف أتعلم منهم  ، أن أتابع المناشط الدورية ، اللقاءات الكثيرة التي أخفقت في متابعتها  ....

ما هذا ؟ لما كل هذا الركض !

ضغط الكتابة و سكرها ، هذا عنوان كتاب للأستاذ أمير تاج السر ، به الكثير من المواضيع المهمة و حكايا لطيفة عن حياة  (الدكتور) أمير تاج السر الشخصية ، بدأت قرائته اليوم  رغبة في أن يخف الضغط المسلط عليّ من قبل الكتابة ، وجدتني عاجزا ، فلم أعرف كيف أفعلها  .

أمنيتي الدائمة في الحياة العلم و المعرفة  (رضائك عني يا ربّ)

am smiling  , am happy , are you happy for that 

I am smiling , and you look happy !!

I always complain with my self if the meaning of the word “trust”  is work  , I don’t know ,  but lately I find out how it’s important to trust some one and  also you been trust ..

She told me : “ you are the only friend that I trust “  ,  I wonder , this really affect me , she trust me , and I am that one who called with meaningless of trust .

    I don’t  trust  her  ..

The last she is not the one who trust me , some one else , sorry friends  , my words sucks really , my ideas are quarreling in my mind , what come first I type it , I don’t take an effort to arrange my words , I just type it .

 

 i guess i used to be that kind of person who is so naive , i trust her madly , i trust her with my heart ( my love) , and she did well , she flourished that love even , like flowers when the sun shines in the morning  . 

 i feel i am adoring her .  i trust her with my dreams , honestly  she makes me a person with dreams , aware with strong well , desire , i trust her with my dreams ..  but lately . . .  

                she disappoint me  !!

     “  heey , every time I meet , I wish the moments not come to ends , I feel vital , strong desire of life , as if all my dreams comes true , FOR HEAVEN’S  SAKE ,  I love you   , am sorry , am like a naïve child , not easy I could get enough of you ,  you always acting as a good friend  , I forgive , I forgive my self , I think am stupid , I should be more tolerant even we got broke or hurt , both of us .”

Trust   !!

Do you trust  me  ??   no  I don’t  

But you love me   ??   yeah I feel it  , but I don’t trust you  ..

I don’t understand …..   yeah  , I don’t  understand you  too  …

..

Heey  my friend  , lets not think about us  , think about your self   , be happy  ,  never thought of me ,  I trust the fate will fight , I have no intention to fight  , just love ^_^  ..

Dream plus plan!

Monkie De Loffie , from ONE PIECE cartoon

What is your dream ?  do we need to have a dream ?

 Every has its unique style of life , and there is no reason to make comparison with other people especially those looks more successful than us , it’s destructive ,

here some words from the novel  written by GRACE METALIOUS  ,  the novel’s name is  RETURN   PEYTON   PLACE  : “   Some people seemed to feel that there was just so much success around and that if their friends won any part of it , that left less for them . “

Success is a meaning to feel , moments to live , there are no rules to be molded and stick to our life , everyone may make his rules that’s suit his life , and that’s is main aim , in my opinion , for motivation speakers around world , make your own step to follow to reach your own success.

So , is it success reach the top of the hill of our dreams ?? I think , being in status of walking to fulfill our dreams is a great kind of success . 

CERN Logo

Before an hour , I finished  a video that show some activities of  CERN scientists & engineers , they looked normal , they chat in a café  but are  great ambitious people , I could say they locate the top  level  of knowledge , a question  asked many times : what we are doing , for what , what will happen at the end !! 

Honestly , they give a good answer , and I like it , but I could advice : don’t focus that you should have a strong reason for your dreams , just a strong desire and believe on your dream , it’s your dream , not other’s one ! .

What’s about plan ?  , umm let’s have a new point of view to the meaning of this word  PLAN   ,  I think we need to ware about our dream ,what  are steps , who will help me , how I could over come the obstacles I will face !!

To be continue . . . 

khartoum

2017/4/17

11:32 PM

I can’t lie any more !!

Why I am so addictive to this girl , okay am gonna discuss this step by step , because I feel sick and this not fine , when am with her , I won’t feel am normal , I won’t  see any one else , just her , actually she is not the problem , the problem is me , not her , she is a good girl , am not going to hate , no  , actually I will love her , because I love every one , yeah she is been neglecting me and this hurt , this is not me  .. How I could gonna solve this ??

1-Who am I ?

Yeah , really a good question . and the next good question is

2-who is she ?

Not good enough , but it’s leads to the next question :

3-What are the legally  mutual rights ??

Really stupid question , hum any I was forced  to ask ,  but where are the answers , I don’t know , but what I should do next ,  it’s clearly that is the answer of the first question .

I don’t who am I , for that I find my self lost in her love , just been blowing in her flood , and some of the Piranha fishes snatches my principles , get lost , get sink ..

What I do I need from her , am I cheat my self ,  huh OH REDICULIOUS I just imagined  if she read these words , how she think about  .. heey I have right to feel hurts , I have right to show how I am get hurt , or I am gonna die .

What is the point ?

I remember , I  told one of my overseas friend , she is very smart girl , I told her my story , she said to me : “ its partly your fault “ .

I really need to put some rules to my life , am not lost , I  need seconds , lie down , think about my whole life , my friend , my thought , then every thing will go alright . You noticed that it’s not my point to answer the second question .  no matter , I will keep life .

Khartoum – 2017/04/14

7:10 pm

Could we live without electricity !!

..

Now I am typing these letters on in laptop , and I am afraid it will shut down at any moment. Actually am forced to click on clt+s  at every single moment so that I keep advance in writing  . its like a dangerous risk . I feel even my feeling get changed when electricity off . The whole words depends on electricity to act our habitual daily life . I think we need to have always

 plan B .

believe or not , my laptop now is charging , yeah , some thing is happened , the  electricity power is on now . I feel better , I wonder  how electricity affect our feeling , should we let  it have that control  ?? is it good  !  , I want to say it isn’t good , having a book to read as a plan B  will make a difference  or writing  notes for diary   , I guess we willing to have to a shortage in current . Any way , we need to have a full vision for our life without electricity  , I know  you go to say  the whole evolution is going to use full E-stuff  , robotic most familiar jobs , yeah its wonderful  , perfect  , but  there are still people in this word never heard about lights , fans , AC ,  or ironing machine   , there  have their own life .

Do  I considered a backward person to call for not using electricity  ??  I have  good reasons   , I trust my mind  but this not  mean not listen to other sides of view . simply lights of lambs in streets and houses  prevent us to notice the  gleams of stars and the moon .. what a precious grace we missed it  . Sadly  saying this  “ we need to think more about gifted things more than what our hands make ” ..

4 words knocked in disturbing way my mind.

Our moment is a result of yesterday thoughts (quote) . If we remember in Harry Potter and the  Sorcerers Stone ( honestly am watching for now  , and this is the main reason for writing ) , the moment students of Hogwarts , when they been sorting into  the four houses , every single student feel happy and proud , and their housemates clap for him . That’s  may seem normal  , being happy or even proud , but the idea screw up my mind that  those students are new , even they don’t know any thing about the four houses , in your information , those four houses is not just like normal classes in an ordinary school ,  not  it’s not  .Every house has  manners ,  characteristic behaviors that  naturally  being stick to students .Could I say that , this happiness , proud  is also naturally for no reason   ??!!

Its like a game of luck , but totally this wrong ,   this sorting is just like fate ,  your house is your fate …

Lets back to our topic   , four words : (reality , pretending , expect , results)  , ummm  actually its not full related to each other , a good reader cooperation  with a weak writer , a good results will show up  ..

Some times we need to pretend we are courage , just lie to our selves , we don’t know what coming next .